Dance Music For Nerds

Dear Holiday Shoppers:
12/21/2005, 10:04 am
Filed under: Frustrations, Social

The following is copied from a bulletin that a friend of mine posted on MySpace. Yes, he works retail. Even worse, he works retail in the mall. Without further ado:

Dear Holiday Shoppers:

I’m sure that the idea of spending your hard earned money on others is a little taxing. It’s probably frustrating that you have to put your bills off in order to buy gifts for the people in your life. I mean, as an American consumer, you’re probably not used to doing a goddamned thing for another person in the first place. So we retail employees understand your stress. Well, we at least understand that you’re an idiot. Then again, the word “sheepfuck” truly rings the way we feel about you the clearest. This is to say that we do not appreciate your presence as you clog up every cubic inch of floorspace in our stores, make a disgusting fucking mess of our bathrooms, and drag your two filthy screaming brats that obviously could only be YOUR offspring, seeing as how they inherited their gleaming manners from you. We don’t like you, no matter where you parked, no matter how long you’ve had to shop, or any matter what you do with sheep in your personal time. So i say this to every asshole who acted like a jerk or bitch to a retail employee this holiday season: You’re a waste of air – take the bag from whatever purchase you just made, close it over your head, and breathe deeply. I hope you shit yourself after you suffocate. Happy fucking holidays.

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…And You Can Read Me Anything
12/15/2005, 12:05 pm
Filed under: General, Music, Social

The Magnetic Fields
The Book of Love

The book of love is long and boring
No one can lift the damn thing
It’s full of charts and facts and figures
And instructions for dancing
But I…I love it when you read to me
And you…you can read me anything

The book of love has music in it
In fact that’s where music comes from
Some of it is just transcendental
Some of it is just really dumb
But I…I love it when you sing to me
And you…you can sing me anything

The book of love is long and boring
And written very long ago
It’s full of flowers and heart-shaped boxes
And things were all too young to know
But I…I love it when you give me things
And you…you ought to give me wedding rings

Want to listen to the song and sing along? It is up here:

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